“ Making the best of what we do have, instead of begrudging what we don’t, has a way of creating all that we’ll ever need.” – Charles F. Glassman
Often times, we wonder:
- Why is that person not behaving the way we think they should?
- Why are they not showing the same level of interest as us in regards to a topic?
- Why are they not investing in this relationship as much as us?
- Why do they do things the way they do and not in the way we think is the right way?
- We grew up handling things a certain way, so why is everybody else not adopting the same method?
And the list goes on and on….
One of the things that was hard to accept about myself until someone made me realize it is that I always want to be right and if someone believes otherwise, I normally feel attacked. Upon pondering on this realization, I figured that usually it is because it is more comfortable thinking that my ‘right’ ways are my fixed beliefs and changing those are scarier and sticking to what I know is much easier than considering another person’s point of view. In certain situations we try to control everything so that they conform to our beliefs and the way we imagined them to unfold. I guess the point is somehow we all fear changes in our thoughts and behaviours. We resist change and seeing things for what they are and accepting them.
If you are facing an obstacle and things are not going the way you pictured them to, it is almost always natural to worry about them, be anxious, wonder what you did wrong for things to turn out the way they are, wish the other person would behave the way we want them to and ask for them to change. We try so hard to control a situation and when we are out of control, we feel scared to step into the unknown. The unknown is something we didn’t plan on facing, a situation which turns out in a total opposite way we wanted it to be, seeing and accepting the other person for what they are and recognizing our controlling behaviour of pressurizing someone to be the way we want them to be.
I have realized that being controlling almost never makes a situation the way you actually wanted it to be all along. If anything, it makes it go in a completely different direction that you planned on it going. It makes the other person feel like you can’t accept them for who they are and how they perceive things.
I guess the lessons I learned and have to keep reminding myself every once in a while are:
- Go with the flow, let the river of your life flow effortlessly
- Let things unfold naturally without you forcing anything
- Sometimes going with the flow might result in a situation turning out in a better way than what you have imagined
- Accept that another individual has a different perspective and they are the way they are because of their environment and personal experiences just like us so the least we can do is accept the differences in perception and actually learn a few things they have to share
- Try to not keep being anxious or worried about a life event and just be present and let it all just happen